Are you in an inconsistent relationship

 

Inconsistent behaviour is something that has the potential to upset anyone. Common, no one likes inconsistent behaviour, whether it is your friend, family member or even your partner and spouse. When we are in relationships, we expect the other person to be consistent in their behaviour. It is expected that people are consistent. And consistent behaviour is a strong signal of loyalty and faith in relationships. On the contrary, inconsistency in relationships keeps a relationship away from progressing. Inconsistency in relationships is not a healthy sign as it can cause serious hurt to the partner on the receiving end. 

 

When someone you love or are in a relationship with sends you mixed signals or mixed messages, and you can see inconsistency in their thoughts, behaviours or actions you really can not understand where you stand in their life. When the person you love acts and behaves in a way that makes you feel secure, loved and cared for, you are the happiest person. But when the same person changes their stance the next day and speak and act in a way that is exactly the opposite you feel like your world is shaken by a storm. So what is the reality? Which version of the story is true, and what should you believe in?

 

Sometimes people are inconsistent unintentionally too. We live in a world where we are subjected to a lot of stress on a daily basis, such as work pressure, daily commute or daily life challenges and under such circumstances, we can become moody. As a result, a little inconsistent behaviour can be a natural outcome and is understandable. If your partner is pretty consistent most of the time, but they behave differently when they are very stressed or during fights, then their consistent behaviour is their true feeling. 

 

But if you feel your partner is being increasingly inconsistent, and there is a clear pattern emerging out of it, it is a matter of concern. In this case, your partner's inconsistent behaviour is not natural and unintentional but can be deliberate. No one is confused about their feelings, and how they feel about you. And if they are emotionally inconsistent with you on a daily basis and it is worrying you, then you should deal with it immediately. Their emotional inconsistency is a matter of concern. 

 

So why your partner or friend is being consistently inconsistent in his behaviour towards you? If you have discovered a pattern in their behaviour then in all probability it is a deliberate inconsistency in your relationship. But why would someone bring inconsistencies in relationships when they claim they love you?

 

1. The first reason is that they do not want to take their relationship with you to the next level, and therefore, they are sabotaging it by bringing in inconsistencies in your relationship. So they bring a lot of drama in the form of inconsistency so that they can check the relationship from progressing further. You can see them oscillating between two phases- one good and one bad. One day they are good and as per expectations, and the next day they do not even care about you. They take one step forward and then backtrack by one step. It shows that they are not ready to commit to you and do not want to take it forward, at least for now. 

 

1. The second reason for inconsistency in relationships is that they might be on and off in some other relationship, and they are still confused about it. Your partner may yet not be over their ex, and that's why he keeps getting oscillating thoughts. For a few days, you are their entire world, and they hate their ex, and after a month, they are brooding over their ex and want to be with them as if you were nothing. It is a kind of on and off relationship as per your partner's convenience. So it is going to be like this, and you are going to suffer the most. The other person wants the best of both worlds, and you are just an option for them.

 

Having said so, it is reasonable to expect a certain amount of inconsistency in all relationships. External factors such as stress, conflicts, pressure, etc. can make people moody and make them act weird at times. And it is no cause for any alarm. But if it is something emerging out as a pattern, you need to cut it off and get unstuck and move on in life. Learn how to get unstuck in life and move on from toxic relationships. 

How to deal with negative people and shut them down?

 

Negative people are everywhere. Like toxins in the air, you can find them at your home, college, office, gym or even in your friend circle. It is not uncommon to find negative people in our close-knitted circle. I had a friend who used to call me and suck out all my positivity. She was so pessimistic that even the fairest things you see would appear dark to her. Every time we interacted, she drained me off. She was always whining and complaining to the point that I started seeing things in a negative light. But soon, I discovered that it is not me. I was always a positive person, and since when I have become negative? After a lot of introspection, I concluded it's the negative company that I have been keeping off lately. It was not good for my mental well-being. It was not how I was fundamentally wired. So, I decided to shut all the negative people off from my life. But how to deal with negative people? It was a tough decision to make but was a rewarding one. Not only this but also I cut down negative coworkers. Initially, I wondered how to deal with negative people at work? But then I mastered that art too. 

 

So why should you cut off negative people in life and at work?

 

There are several reasons for cutting negative people from life:

• When you surround yourself with negative people you can become negative yourself and start feeling pessimistic about things around you.
• Negative people drain off all your energy to a point that you start feeling terrible about yourself. As a result, you get divorced from being productive on a daily basis. 
• Negative people also can be a source of stress especially when you can not avoid them. 

 

And once you cut negative people from your life, you see yourself becoming more productive, happy and positive. And these three things are a precursor to your mental well-being. 

 

So how to deal with negative people? Let us figure it out: 

 

1. If you can't handle their negativity and feel overwhelmed by their pessimistic attitude, you should cut them off from your life. It will be in the larger interest of your overall well being. 
2. Sometimes you can't avoid them at work or in your daily lives, but you can limit your interaction with them. You can just deal with them on a quid pro quo basis and just focus on getting your work done. When you limit your interactions with them to a bare minimum, you become more productive. 
3. Many times negative people need to know that they are getting too negative to bear. So, you should tell them the same on their face. If their negativity is bothering you or it is unacceptable then you should clearly tell them and maintain a distance. You can also ask them if you can do something to help them so that they become less negative. And if they want your help you can help them. 
4. Sometimes negative people are negative due to their unfulfilled desires, past trauma or they have a wounded inner child that needs repair. So if you really want to deal with negative people, speak to them and figure out the real source of their misery that is causing negativity to come out. Once you figure things out, you can counsel them, assure them of your presence and even provide the resources to resolve their conflicts. As you do these things for them, they will start turning positive towards you. 
5. And when nothing works and you can't avoid negative people, you can simply distribute the negativity by hanging out in groups. Whenever you are required to be negative people around, you can invite others too so that you do not have to handle the negative person on your own. Also, you can pick up some cheerful topic to talk about such as a new comedy movie or series that you recently watch whenever a negative person starts with his negative talks. This way you can shut down the negative person without offending them.
6. To handle negativity at the workplace you should use a lot of diplomacy and tact as your stakes at work are really high, and you can't afford to annoy them. So, if you want to read more on how to deal with negative people at work, you can read it here. 

 

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Happiness is a choice that you can make! 7 Tips to choose happiness daily

 

They say happiness is a choice, and you can choose to be happy. But the daunting question is how? How can I choose happiness when everything seems to be so unfavourable? Yes, things may not be in your favour, but nothing is permanent. You will surpass this too! But how about the time you are wasting brooding over your past, getting anxious every now and then, and destroying your present? It is all not worth it, especially when happiness is a choice and you can choose to be happy by choosing happiness every day. So how to choose happiness and find your own zen? Let's decode it!

 

How to choose happiness daily consciously?

 

1. Let go of the past

To choose happiness, you need to let go of the past. You should free yourself from your troublesome memories, relationships and situations and live in the present to enjoy it and make the most of your life. As they say, by gones are by gones, so why ruin your present with those traumatizing events in the past that have the potential to ruin your present and even your current relationships? It is certainly not worth holding on to! 

 

As you let go of the past, you make peace with yourself and your life. And it is a precursor for happiness to seep in. So, let of the past and choose your happiness over anything else. Read more to know how to let go of the past. 

 

2.     Work on your dissonances

Yes, everyone has some dissonances in life that limit their potential to be happy, and you are no exception. All you need is to identify the root cause of your conflicts, accept your shortcomings, and then work upon eliminating them from your life. And when you will do so, you will invariably eradicate many dissonances, achieve consonance and a state of equilibrium. These things will make you more peaceful and easy. Ultimately you will find yourself choosing your happiness by resolving your conflicts. 

 

3.     Be grateful and count on your blessings

You are more blessed in life than most of the people around you. But you still spend a substantial amount of your time whining, chasing materialistic things and comparing yourself to others. You have to give this habit of yours and instead be thankful for all you have in life. Many people do not have even access to that. One way is to practise gratitude towards the creator, the life and the people around you. Gratitude often leads to an abundance mindset. It helps you break the habit of making comparisons. And as you learn how to stop comparing yourself to others, you become more confident, positive and self-accepting. These things contribute significantly to your overall state of happiness. 

 

4.     Do not link happiness with money

A lot of people ask: does happiness buy money? It does to a certain extent till your basic needs are met, and a certain level of wealth makes you happy. And the absence of basic wealth will cause multiple problems to arise and render unhappiness in return. But beyond a point, money doesn't contribute to happiness. If money was directly proportional to happiness, all the rich and elite people must be the happiest lot. But it is not the case in reality. Poor people are also happy as they know that happiness is a choice. So to make happiness a choice, stop linking happiness with money, material possession and people. Your happiness is independent of all three parameters. It is just you have to think about it and work towards things that will fetch your real happiness.

 

5.     Pursue your interests

Yes, if money doesn't fetch you happiness, what is it then? It is about doing things that make you happy and that you want to do. If you like travelling, do that. If you like to play sports, do that. If you like to cook, do that. Make time for yourself and your passion, and put your creative energies there. Once you listen to yourself, you develop a meaningful relationship with yourself. You heard it right! If you are not aware of your relationship with yourself, you can never be happy. And when you become aware of it, you start a journey towards finding happiness. 

 

6.     Keep yourself healthy

Health is a precursor to happiness, and therefore, you should take care of your mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual health. A healthy mind and body lead to eternal happiness.

 

7.     Do not please others

Many people spend a large chunk of their lifetime pleasing others only to realise that they have been doing the same at the expense of their own happiness. But is it worth it? So learn to say no, and please yourself first before anything else. Once you do so, you become more effective in your present and allow happiness to enter your life. And that too effortlessly, no matter what your present situation is. 

 

These are the few strategies that work for me and help me achieve a state of peace, tranquillity and happiness. Hope these tips will help you find your own happiness too. 

 

Suggested reading: Happiness is a choice- How to choose it every day?

Why is gay wellness important?

 

In today's world being a member of the gay community is quite normal. We all have a few friends who identify themselves as being part of the gay community or the LGBTTQQIAAP community. And the chances are that you know a friend who has now come out openly as gay! Yes, we all know a few people in our close circles who are gay or a part of the LGBTQ community. Yes, gay men are part of our lives and making a name for themselves regardless of their sexuality. But like straight people, gay people also have their own conflicts, and life challenges to deal with. They have their struggles that may be larger than yours. Yes, gay wellness is important and needs to be addressed head-on. There are a lot of gay blogs talking about gay wellness, sexuality and coming out issues but nothing like The Easy Wisdom Gay Blog. The Easy Wisdom Gay Blog is one of the best gay men's blogs that aims to empower gay men and gay people to lead the best possible life via their content. They have addressed a lot of sensitive issues to address the concerns of the LGBTQ people, make society sensitive to their cause and challenges and aim to make this world a more inclusive and better world to live in. 

 

So, coming back to gay wellness, let's talk about what gay wellness may mean? A lot of gay men get married to women believing that they will change. Some gay men marry women under societal pressure or due to guilt and shame. While other gay men marry women as a gay man you are not legally allowed to parent children. And marrying a woman is your best bet. Many gay men come out to their wives at a later stage in time, when a lot of damage has been done, and a lot is at stake. So how do navigate these issues and challenges? 

 

Apart from this, some people wonder if they are gay, bisexual or bi-curious, and how do they find out? Are there signs, or are there 'Am I gay quiz' that they can take to figure it out? 

 

Also, some people are gay couples and are in committed relationships. Some are in an open gay relationship and some are in a closed one. Some of the gay couples want to open their couple, welcome a third gay man and become a gay throuple. Yes, gay throuple relationships are a thing where all the three men are in love with each other. But again gay throuple have their own challenges to face and navigate. 

 

There are some men who live their lives in a closet, and it causes them a lot of emotional trauma that needs to be addressed before it becomes toxic. So here comes the importance of gay and LGBT wellness. 

 

So why is gay wellness and well-being important?

• gay men have their own unique challenges and issues that need to be taken care of and talked about. 
• gay men face more mental health issues than their straight counterparts,
• gay men often feel more guilt, shame and regret than other men. 
• LGBT community is a marginalised community and are often neglected.
• gay men fight for their legal rights to get married, to get legal financial rights and adopt children. Also, they crave more respect than they get from society. 
• gay men often find it difficult to find partners who are committed for life and it is one of the major concerns they have.
• gay men and surrogacy issues are quite common and is a major cause of concern.

So, we see that gay wellness and gay well-being is important. Being gay is not just about physical pleasure with other men, it is about building, nurturing and sustaining long term and meaningful relationships with other men. 

 

There is a lot of information and resources for the LGBT community, gay and bisexual men, but where can you get the information that you can trust? That's why The Easy Wisdom Gay Blog put together all the information and resources together in place and the information you can trust. 

 

For more authentic guidance on gay wellness, relationships, health and societal issues visit your best gay blog. 

Are you in a sexless marriage? Know when to walk away!

 

Sexless marriages are quite common nowadays. Hectic work schedules, endless household chores, familial commitments and conflicts in a relationship can be the cause of a sexless marriage. All these things can kill the spark in a marriage and make the partners drift apart. And as a result, platonic marriage is born. Yes, it is no wonder to see marriages that are becoming to be platonic in nature. Sexless marriages are not healthy and are a cause of concern. Marriages are not meant to be platonic, they are meant to connect the partners physically, emotionally and spiritually. So, if you are someone who is in a sexless marriage, it is a cause of concern. You should seek to work through it. With therapy, communication and dedication sexless marriages can be corrected. But if these things are not working and you feel your marriage is beyond repair, then you should know when to walk away from a sexless marriage.

 

So what are sexless marriages? If you and your partner are not been physically intimate for a period of more than one year and still counting, you are in all the probability in a sexless marriage. Sometimes, couples drift apart for a short period of time due to conflicting schedules, stress and medical conditions. But then they reunite and consummate. And it all becomes normal with time. Or there would be the time when partners take some time off to explore their own interests and desires. And then they get back together, reignite the spark and revive their relationship. And all ends fine. But if you feel resentful and fulfilled in your marriage and your partner avoids any physical intimacy, and it has been a while, you need to be clear about where your relationship is heading. It is not clearly a phase that you thought it was. It is what a sexless marriage looks like.

 

So what are the signs of a sexless marriage? There are various signs of s sexless marriage such as:

• You and your spouse live like roommates and not as couples. Yout both have different rooms, sleep separately, and there is no physical intimacy between the two, and it feels like ages you got physically close. 
• You both avoid each other and do not cuddle at all. Spending time together alone feels weird. 
• You have desires to get physically intimate but with someone else and not your partner. And you do not want to talk about it. 
• You feel there is no physical intimacy and compatibility left anymore in your relationship.
• You and your partner do not make any attempt to revive your intimacy with each other. 

 

So, if you related to most of the signs above, you are in a sexless marriage that you need to fix. 

 

When you are in a sexless marriage, it causes an extreme effect on your mental health, self-esteem, confidence and general happiness. Physical pleasure leads to the release of happy hormones that are good for your overall well-being. And when you are in such a marriage you may feel stuck, angry, resentful and unfilled. All these things are not positive signs. It is a sacrifice that you are making to be in the marriage, to make it work and for the sake of your kids. But is it worth holding onto? Sexless marriages cannot work for long. So you need to fix it or be assured to land up in a divorce and move on! Therefore, it is important to talk to your partner clearly or suffer. And if still, things are not working, then you should know when to walk away from a sexless marriage.

 

When to walk away from a sexless marriage?

Here are the signs that your sexless marriage is beyond repair, and it is time to walk away from it.

 

1. Your partner refuses to talk about it and doesn't want the sexlessness to improve in the marriage. He has also refused to see the marriage counsellor or therapist. 
2. Your partner refused to seek any professional help from a marriage counsellor and therapist. Also, if there is any medical condition that is the problem for lack of physical intimacy like that of ED, hormonal changes, loss of libido, etc, and your partner still refuses to address it or get treated, it is a matter of concern.
3. Your partner doesn't want to improve their situation even after therapy or medical treatment, and there is a clear lack of effort from their side to improve the sexlessness in marriage. 
4. Your partner and you are in a complete deadlock with respect to a sexless marriage, and there seems to be no convergence between the two. 
5. Your partner has evolved with respect to their sexual preference and now want to explore gay relationships. It can be a serious cause of concern and knowing when to walk away when your husband is gay, or your wife is a lesbian is very important. Sometimes gay men marry women for reasons such as societal pressure or to change their sexual orientation, but now they want to move on. And therefore, your marriage has become a platonic one. So, you have your answer to move on. 
6. Other reasons why your marriage is now defined by sexlessness could be infidelity and dishonesty, or your relationship has become toxic. Under such circumstances, you should move on.
7. One of the major reasons for a sexless marriage is that there is no more love between you and your partner anymore. And what is the point of holding on to a marriage or relationship without love? Love is the reason for physical intimacy and when it is no more there, physical intimacy will die. 

 

So, is divorce an answer to a sexless marriage? Well, if anything is not working and sexlessness in your marriage is causing you to suffer, and there is no change in your marriage status even after speaking to your partner, then divorce can be the only solution. But these are the clear signs that hind when to walk away from a relationship. 

 

If you want to read a more detailed post about sexless marriages and when to walk away from a sexless marriage read here: Know when to walk away from a sexless marriage! 

Happiness is your state of mind. Choose it every day!

 

You heard it right, happiness is a state of mind, and you can choose to be happy. Yes, happiness is a choice, and you can choose it every day. People often spend their entire lifetime in search of peace, tranquillity and happiness, but they still fail. Why? The reason is they look for happiness in things that are just temporary like money, power or fame. While these things give some happiness to start with, they can't be a lifelong source of eternal happiness and peace. However, when you start to look within and your surroundings you can pretty well attain happiness that is long-lasting and fulfilling. Happiness can be found in many things in daily lives, and it is not rocket science to master. In fact, happiness is a choice, that you make deliberately, to attain your own nirvana. 

 

As the famous quote says: all the happiness you are seeking lies with you, all you need to do is explore within yourself and find your happiness. But simply knowing that happiness is a choice is not enough, you should consciously choose happiness every day. Yes, there are a lot of reasons to be unhappy, but there are an equal number of reasons to be happy as well. There will always be a point that you will be extremely unhappy. But that point not define your entire criteria of happiness. You have to make a choice to let go of the pain and let go of the past and work towards improving your happiness. 

 

How to choose happiness?

 

Okay, now we understand that happiness is a choice and that we need to choose it every day, take decisions to make ourselves happy and develop new routines to manifest happiness, let us see how to choose happiness?

 

Here are 10 things to follow to make yourself happy: 

 

1. Let go of the resentment and anger that you are holding onto. Resentment, grudge and anger are the things that kill your happiness and destroy your present state of being. So there is no reason to hold them as it is like a poison that will eat you up! Once you decide to let it go, you lose all the bitterness and allow happiness to come into your life. 
2. Choose to forgive people, not for anyone else but yourself foremost. When you do that, you become free of all the pain that you have been withholding in your life. And eventually, become happy. 
3. Love yourself and focus on building a relationship with yourself. It means that you listen to your needs, desires and wants. And then work upon attaining them. As you attend to your needs and wants, you become more self-aware of your inner self and ultimately become happier. 
4. Work on your mental and physical health. When you are not healthy, you can never be happy. So focus on building physical health, and work upon your mental and emotional health as well. Try to spend some quality me-time with yourself to reflect upon your life and think through your conflicts. And as you start doing this as a habit you start healing emotionally and you become emotionally healthy and mentally strong. 
5. Try to be empathetic to people around you and help people around. Also, understand the difference between empathy, sympathy and compassion. Once you clearly understand the difference between all the three, you become better at empathizing with people, helping them out and focusing on a better cause. It also means that you will attach some meaning to life that will give you eternal satisfaction. And when you attach some purpose in life like helping the needy and for the upliftment of society, you work towards becoming a better version of yourself and become eternally happy. 
6. Focus on yourself and learn to say no. It will make you attend to your needs and focus on what you want to invest time in rather than pleasing people around. Also this way you will put yourself first before others and therefore work on your happiness. 
7. Do things that you like the most. If you like to dance, take some time to dance. If you like travelling, make sure you give yourself enough time to travel. If you like to go to coffee shops, sit and read a book, do that! Nothing should stop you from doing your favourite things. Once you indulge in things you love to do, you will become happier. 
8. Do not relate money with happiness. Money cannot buy happiness. Yes, money is important only to a certain extent, it cannot be the basis of your happiness. Rich people often look for happiness. It means happiness is nowhere related to money beyond a point. So delinking both the things will give you the right perspective to seek happiness beyond money and materialistic things. 
9. Do not compare yourself to others. When you compare yourself to others, you tell yourself that you are not good enough and it makes you unhappy. In fact, you should focus on your strengths and work upon them. Doing so will make you become a strong and positive personality. And it will eventually make you happy. So stop comparing yourself to others and make yourself happy. 
10. Have a good social support system and invest in making friends who lift you up. Having a social circle that is your support system, and friends who can share your life with, certainly makes you happy. 

 

So, these are 10 tips to choose happiness every day. As they say that happiness is a choice, and you should choose it every day! Here is a very beautiful resource you can read: happiness is a choice and how to choose is every day.