How to stop saying yes when you want to say no?

 

It happens quite often that we say yes to things that we do not want to do, or say yes to. Sometimes we feel obligated, or indebted and other times we just cannot say no. But why? Did you ever realize why this happens? Is it to please others, or is it our habit to say yes, or we have been conditioned to say yes always as saying no will make you an outlier? Reasons could be many, but ultimate truth is that we should learn to say no. 

 As they say, you should live your life on your own terms and conditions and not for anyone else. We often feel guilty when we do not fit in the opinion of others or when we say no to things as we fear judgement. Howsoever, it is important to understand that if we live a life full of fear, the anxiety of being judged or refused or condemned, we will ultimately lose our own peace and respect. So you should focus on your happiness first as they say happiness is a choice and choose to be happy. But how to be happy again? The answer lies in the art of learning to say no. So let us dig deeper and understand how we can master the art of saying no and also learn how to say no without feeling guilty!

 

Why do we end up saying yes even when we want to say no?

There are many reasons that stem primarily from our psychology:

• The fear of being judged, or disliked or looked down up.
• We often say yes as it has become our habit to say so and we have been conditioned to say yes as saying no is looked down upon.
• We may say yes more often than not because we want to please others. 
• We feel that when we say no, people will dislike me, or disapprove of me.
• Sometimes we say yes to as we do not want to disappoint others. You do not to be a bad person and hurt others by saying no. 

 Okay, so there may be other reasons as well, and when you sit and contemplate, you will get to know where this behaviour stems from. But one thing is clear, the urge to say yes hints at underlying traits like low self-esteem, self-confidence and low self-respect. It also shows that you do not prioritize yourself and your happiness. While it is good to help others, and stand by them but not always. You have all the right to say yes or no and you should exercise your judgement regardless of what the other person will think. 

 

How to say no without feeling guilty?

 

Saying no does not make you a bad person.

One more thing I want to clear is that saying no does not make you a bad person. And this is the first thing to understand if you want to learn to say no. If someone is close to you and you say no to that person, he or she will understand that you actually do not want to do something. As a kid, you freely said no to things you did not like. But now as a grown-up, you find it difficult to say no. So what has changed? Think over it. You are now an adult and you have all the right to say yes or no as per your comfort level.

 

Is saying yes always worth it?

The second thing that you should know to learn to say no without feeling guilty is to understand that saying yes is not always worth it. No, it is not worth it. When you say yes to something you do not want to do, you rip yourself of your own happiness. It is like an injustice that you let happen to yourself. In the end, you will feel terrible about it and regret doing something you never wanted to do. So why do such a thing that will make your feel disgusted and snatch your peace of mind? If you understand this you will learn to say no and that too without guilt. 

 

You should know your value!

If you choose to say no, it means that you respect your likings and disliking and you value yourself. And there is nothing wrong with it. If you would not prioritize yourself and listen to your inner self, who else will? After all, your opinion of yourself is more important than other's opinion of you. 

 

So now you know these three things, you should understand your value, respect your own feelings and learn to say no. Saying no will ultimately give you peace of mind, impart eternal happiness and empower you. This way you can have more control over your life and your own self. 

 

Ways to get over a breakup or divorce?

 

In today's world, it is normal to enter relationships too often too soon. People casually meet and explore each other. They then decide to date and enter into a relationship. Some relationships forge long-lasting bonds, and some end up. Many people take their relationships to marriage. Some of these marriages succeed, and some end up in court. Breakups are quite normal, and everyone goes through the same at least once in their life. And in all the scenarios, one thing is common. Breakup is harsh, painful and often seems to be the end of this world. And it is important to get out of this phase after a breakup as soon as possible. But the big question is that how to get over a breakup? 

 

It is quite normal to feel sad, depressed, angry, and let down after a breakup or a failed relationship. But you have to get out of this for your benefit. And no one will help you come out of it. Only you can help yourself. So if you are heartbroken, and have been a victim of a failed relationship or a divorce, lift yourself up and address the issue head-on. Many people say that it is easier to get over a breakup, but divorce is a different ball game altogether. Divorce is much harsh, draining and leaves deep scars. So how to get over a divorce?

 

The feelings in both breakup and divorce are common. Yes, they may be of varying intensity, and divorce may be harsher. But the coping mechanism is the same. Relationships break for various reasons, and it may be nobody's fault. Often both the people are at fault, or the situation is to be blamed, the outcome is a breakup. So, do not enter into a blame game, or curse each other down. The better way is to sort it out internally and plan a peaceful future-a future that is more promising and peaceful.

 

So let us see how to overcome a breakup or divorce?

 

• Think over what went wrong in your past failed relationships and identify your faults. Make sure not to repeat them in your future relationships. 
• Give yourself some time and spend some time alone. Eat well, sleep well and indulge in your guilty pleasures. But do not shut yourself completely. 
• Make time for your hobbies. If you like gardening take it up, or join online dance classes, or travel. The list is endless. The idea is to keep yourself busy and busy with the things that make you happy. 
• Speak to your family and friends. Identify your support network and spend quality time with them. Share your load with them. The more you share the better you will feel. It is good to enjoy your me-time, but it is equally important to spend some quality time with your support network as well. 
• It is best to avoid drugs and alcohol as they may do more harm than good. They may make you feel better initially but as time passes by, they may give you a bad trip. So it is better to avoid substance abuse and alcoholism at best. 
• Try to maintain a good sleep cycle. Sleep is a very good coping mechanism. But this does not mean taking sleeping pills to induce sleep. Sleep that comes naturally, helps in healing. 
• Try to do regular workouts. Regular workouts not only keep you physically fit, but it also has several mental benefits. Workouts release happy hormones and make you make good at the end. 
• Do not haste into entering another relationship. You should take your time. People often enter a rebound relationship after a breakup and such relationships often fail. 
• Social media detox is something that comes in very handy. After a breakup, unfollow or unfriend people you do not wish to see anymore. Do not be tempted to stalk your ex and the best way is to avoid falling into such a trap is to go for a social media detox or social media cleanse. 
• It is always a good idea to be grateful for what you have and have an abundance mindset. Whatever is gone is your past now. But you still have many things that many other do not have. Always count your blessings.
• Last but not least find a purpose in life and attach some meaning to it. For example, do charity or volunteering work or get into spirituality. All your worries and concerns will be automatically addressed as you pave a way for positive things in your life. 

 

And the best tip is to forgive yourself. Whatever happened, happened for a reason. Some things are not meant for you. And whatever is meant for you will always be with you. Feel positive and confident in yourself, and do not rush into things. Always remember time is the biggest healer and time answers the best. It is time to let go of the past and move on.