The relationship you have with yourself is the best relationship

 

We all have a relationship with ourselves first, before anything else. But most of us are not aware of the self-relationship and that is really unfortunate. We are living life to find comfort and peace of mind, but we ignore the precursor to finding peace- the relationship we have with ourselves. So are you aware of your relationship with yourself? And, if you are, then are you even doing anything about it or investing in it appropriately? If you are not aware of it, then you should now! 

 

It is important to evaluate the relationship you have with yourself as it is the best thing you can do for your life. It is because the more healthy relationship you have with yourself, the more sorted person you are. It is a kind of blessing and care that you bestow on someone who is the most important person in your life. 

 

The relationship you have with yourself is a kind of self-relationship. Self-relationship begins with self-care practices that you indulge in to please yourself and to keep yourself healthy. It is about taking care of yourself and your mental health. You can't ignore self-relationship and expect to forge meaningful relationships with others. You will fail! And before you contemplate choosing your friends wisely, you can be wiser and choose to invest in self-relationship first. 

 

So, how to build and invest in the most important relationship that you can think of i.e. your relationship with yourself? Here are the tips to focus on building a sustainable self-relationship:

 

• Find a daily time that you keep exclusively for yourself. It means you can take cognisance of the importance of me-time and work towards it. You can fix one hour daily for your morning and evening destressing rituals, unwind emotionally and mentally and think peacefully. Also, you can do something that uplifts your mood and peps you up like dancing, sketching or listening to music. 
• You should find time to think about your present, take care of the emotions that are conflicting with your inner self, and fix those things. 
• You should also find a few minutes daily to count on your blessings and positives in life while making sure to appreciate yourself for all your achievements. It will make sure that you are working towards taking care of your self-esteem and self-confidence. 
• Your aim should be to become your own best friend and confide in yourself before anyone else. Talk it out to yourself, calm down yourself and ease out the anxiety that you may be feeling. When you become your best friend, you will be eternally happy and will start looking for answers within.
• Another thing that you should do to build a healthy self-relationship is to give yourself what you want. It means if you want to travel or eat something good, you should provide yourself with the things that you need. It also means, that you stop saying no to people or stop pleasing people, and attend to your innermost feelings. 
• To build a healthy self-relationship you should keep the company of people who help you do so and not with people who will take you away from doing so. Find a company of positive people who motivate you to be at peace. Also, when you surround yourself with people who themselves have a meaningful relationship with themselves, you find it easy to apply the same in your life. 
• Another thing you can do to build and maintain a healthy relationship with yourself is to write yourself small affirming and assuring letters explaining how you are there to care. You can call it journaling or letters to yourself. But when you do so, you start to heal emotionally. So if you are finding an answer to the question of how to heal yourself emotionally, self-relationship it is. 
• Last but not least, find a deeper connection to build with yourself. As yourself what is it in life that you want to achieve? You should make efforts to understand those things and work toward them? For example, when you connect deeply with yourself, you may discover that helping others really makes you happy. And now you know your higher essence of being, you can take a step to achieve them and help yourself build a fruitful and long-lasting relationship with yourself.  

 

Hope you like this post on building meaningful relationship with yourself

 

What is ghosting, and why do people ghost you?

 

We all would have experienced ghosting in our lives at one point in time, and we all will agree that ghosting is cruel and not called for. Ghosting in relationships and the dating world is quite a common phenomenon. But why do people ghost you? Why they do not want to give closure and end up things face to face? Let's talk about it.

 

But before we talk about ghosting, let us talk about what is ghosting? Ghosting happens when a person you love the most, or your friend cuts all the ties with you without giving any explanation. It means they block you from all the ways of communication such as Instagram, Facebook, WhatsApp, phone calls etc. They may even change their house or block your entry to their homes. And when you reach out to their family and friends, you do not get any answers from them too. Ghosting is like an unexplained absence from your life without any goodbye, final words or parting note. 

 

Ghosting not only happens in personal lives but also in professional life. Many times you give an interview, it goes the best but then there is no update on the same. Then you try to contact the recruiter but all you get is no reply and no response. A complete silence! If such is the case, you are ghosted by the recruiter. And it is called professional ghosting. 

 

Coming back to ghosting in our personal lives, hurts a lot and is never fun. When you get ghosted, you become clueless about what has happened. You first wonder if they are fine, keeping well and not in some emergency. But then you figure it out that it is not an emergency, but they have deliberately chosen to keep mum and not answer. So, you try to reach out to them but you cannot as you are blocked from everywhere. Many people try to reach out to their friends and family and even to their homes, but they do not get to see them or speak with them. And it is what is ghosting all about. 

 

Ghosting hurts a lot and is it not good for your mental health. It is, in fact, a kind of emotional abuse that the ghoster bestows upon you. It leaves you with a bitter taste in your mouth and makes you resentful (how to let go of resentment). You undergo a state of shock and want to know the reasons why you have been ghosted. It is natural to think that "at least I wanted a closure and understand what went wrong." This is not what you expected, and you wanted to speak before parting ways or saying goodbye. But the ghoster had their plans of moving on silently from your life without giving you any closure or explanation. So why do people ghost you and what you can do about it? 

 

Why do people ghost you?

 

People may ghost you for many reasons and the most prominent one of them is that they want to move and do not want to confront you. Yes, they do not want to say goodbye or explain anything to you as they do not want to create unnecessary drama and explain everything about why they want to move on. So, they decide it is easier to ghost you than explain, fight and be guilty of emotional trauma they will inflict on you.

 

Apart from this, ghosting is very easy. And in this online world, where you do not no their physical whereabouts and do not have common friends, it is quite easy to ghost you as there are no stakes involved. Also, people who ghost you want their peace of mind and they are sure you do not fit in their life goals. So, they choose to ghost you.

 

Another reason of ghosting is that they may have led about something, and now they fear the truth will come out and you will not accept it. So, before things go worse, they ghost you and cut down all the communication with you. 

 

Many people ghost you not because they do not like you but because they have more important matters to attend to. So, they think it is better to move on without telling you anything as they do not have any solid reason to break up. 

 

Last but not least, they would have ghosted you because they see you as a threat and do not feel safe around you. So, they choose their safety and peace of mind over anything else. 

 

You cannot do anything about ghosting, but you can choose to move on as soon as possible rather than brooding over and wasting your time. You have to find your own answer as they will never give you any. If they ever come back, you can seek your answers and then decide to let them enter again in your life. The choice will always be yours! 

Do you know the meaning of LGBTTQQIAAP and LGBTQ2S?

 

We all know of people who identify themselves as a part of the LGBTTQQIAAP community or LGBTQ community in shorts. But what does LGBTTQQIAAP stand for? Also, many of us would have heard of the terms 2-spirited or LGBTQ2S especially, on social media. So what do these terms denote and signify? Let's figure them out. 

 

The meaning of LGBTTQQIAAP

LGBTTQQIAAP refers to a group or community of people who call themselves Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transsexual, Transgender, Queer, Questioning, Intersex, Asexual, Ally and Pansexual. This term is an extension of LGBTQ+, LGBT, LGBTQ, and LGBTQIA terms and is more inclusive than these terms. Let us understand them one by one:

 

L: Lesbian

Lesbian is a term used for women who are sexually and romantically attracted to other women. 

 

G: Gay

Gay men are the men who are attracted to other men both romantically and sexually.

 

B: Bisexual

These are the people who are attracted to the members of both the sexes viz males and females.

 

T: Transgender

These are the people who identify with a different gender as assigned to them at birth. It means a person who was born as a woman may identify as a man and vice-versa.

 

T: Transsexual

These are the people who have changed their gender as assigned to them at birth with the help of surgery, hormones or any other form of medical treatment. 

 

Q: Queer

Queer is an umbrella term to denote the LGBTQ community as a whole. So anyone who identifies themselves as gay, lesbian, transgender, bisexual, bi-curious, or queer can be termed as a queer in general. 

 

Q: Questioning

People who are still not clear about their sexual orientation, and are still exploring if they are gay or lesbian or queer in general can be termed as questioning. These are the people, who are yet to explore their true gender expression, orientation or identity.

 

I: Intersex

These are the people who are born with male and female organs both or are the ones with reproductive anatomy not carved enough to be classified as male or female. These people often have characteristics of both males and females. 

 

A: Asexual

A person who has little or no interest in sexual activity as a whole neither with a man or woman. These people enter into relationships not for sexual acts, but for romantic reasons and companionship. 

 

A: Ally

This term is used to denote anyone who is queer-friendly and works for the upliftment and fights for the cause of the LGBTQ+ community. These people do not belong to the community as such but are the advocates of the LGBTQ+ community. 

 

P: Pansexual

A pansexual person is one who can be attracted to any gender, both physically and romantically. They may get attracted to male, female, transgender, transsexual or cisgender. 

 

So, this is the meaning of  LGBTTQQIAAP. However, it doesn't end here. There are other forms of gender expressions that also fall under the purview of the LGBTQ+ umbrella. 

 

The meaning of LGBTQ2S

 

The term LGBTQ2S stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer or questioning and two-spirited. Two-spirit is a term used for people who have both male and female characteristics. It means it is used to refer to a person having both feminine and masculine spirits or in which both these two genders are residing. 

 

However, this term originated from native and indigenous people who belonged to the LGBTQ community. This term was used for people who were part of the LGBTQ+ community and indigenous or native or tribal people. 

 

We hope we are able to decode the meaning of LGBTTQQIAAP and LGBTQ2S for you to make you more sensitive to the LGBTQ+ community. Keeping this in mind, we have created a separate LGBT blog section. Our LGBTQIA blog or gay blog is your one-stop resource for all the gay issues where you can find a lot of meaningful posts about queer wellness. 

 

If you like this article, please share it with your friends and family. 

Signs of people who lack self-awareness and are low on self-awareness

 

In almost every aspect of our lives, we meet people who are low on self-awareness. But how do we know that these people lack self-awareness? The people who are low on self-awareness or lack self-awareness are the ones who are low on emotional maturity and intelligence. Not only this they also find it difficult to form meaningful relationships with others. These are just a few signs of people who lack self-awareness. There are many more. Let's figure them out. 

 

Self-aware people are the ones who understand themselves and are in touch with their emotions and innermost feelings. They know what their shortcomings are and where their strength lies. And as a result, they are better able to navigate their relationships, both at work and personal lives. These people believe in working through their emotions and focusing on building a meaningful relationship with themselves first. Yes, people who are self-aware know about your relationship with yourself and take steps to nurture it further. 

 

Unfortunately being self-aware is not as easy as it sounds. As per research by Harvard Business Review, 95% of people think and believe that they are high on self-awareness. But in reality, only 5% of them actually are self-aware. It means there is a lot of gap between what people think of themselves and what they actually are. And recognising this also is an act of becoming self-aware.

 

When it comes to dealing with people who lack self-awareness, it can become a bit of a challenge and even a nightmare for you. Common, no one wants to deal with people who lack self-awareness as they are tough people to deal with. Having said so, many times you need to deal with people who are low on self-awareness as you can't avoid them especially when the person in question is your close friend or someone from your workplace. Many people ask about how to deal with someone who lacks self-awareness and my answer is either make them self-aware or limit your exposure to them. To read more on how to deal with someone who lacks self-awareness, access this resource. 

 

 

Becoming self-aware is a journey that you take and is a continuous process. And once you become self-aware, therefore are numerous benefits you reap. So how can you become self-aware?

 

Here are the ways that will increase your self-awareness:

• Be in touch with your innermost feelings and understand your deep emotions. Also, make sure to resolve all the conflicts you have in life.
• Be open to criticism and feedback. When you listen to what people have to say about you, you get to know new things about yourself, and you become more self-aware in the process. 
• Also, speak to yourself and spend some quality time in your own company. When you do so you become aware of your inherent strengths and weaknesses. 
• Know your emotional and mental stressors and triggers. 

 

So now you know how to become self-aware, let us dive deep down into signs that show you lack self-awareness and are low on it. 

 

1. When you are in a habit of constantly defending yourself when someone questions your actions or gives you feedback, it is a sign that you lack self-awareness.
2. When you constantly over supervise the work of your subordinates and think that you can control every aspect of their work to a point they do not feel enough autonomy, it is a sign that you are low on self-awareness. 
3. When people say you are a bully and you are in habit of bullying people, by showing them down, intimidating them, or making them work for something against their wishes, it is also a sign that you are low on self-awareness.
4. When you are not able to empathise and sympathise with others, their circumstances and their life situations, you are someone who is not self-aware enough. 
5. When you have all the excuses in the world to come up with to cover your shortcomings or when you miss a deadline and your failures, it is a strong signal that you lack self-awareness.
6. Last but not least, when you do not understand your purpose in life, your conflicts and your inner emotions it is a strong signal that you lack self-awareness. 

 

So, these are a few signs that indicate you are low on self-awareness or lack it completely and that you need to work upon it to become a better human. 

How to let go of resentment and move on with your life?

 

It is easy to justify being resentful while holding onto a grudge and anger. And why not? It is a natural and obvious response to being wronged and mistreated in your past relationships. But the longer you hold resentment the more toxic it becomes for your own mental wellbeing. Resentment and anger in the long run can become counterproductive. And as you weigh yourself down with a load of anger, resentment and pain, the other people who have wronged you are living their life guilt-free as if nothing has happened. So, only you are affected and angry. And it is not good for your overall mental health. So the next most obvious question is how to let go of resentment for your own zen and peace. 

 

But why letting go of resentment is important? First of all, it helps you move on with your life. And when your resentment is not letting you move on in your life, making you bitter and making you less effective in your present, knowing when to let go of a relationship becomes very important. Also, as you let go of resentment, you learn to forgive people not for them but for your own peace and closure. 

 

Many people talk about being empathetic. But for that, you have to first be empathetic towards yourself by being kind and free. And when you learn how to practice empathy towards yourself, you realise that it is time to let go of the grudge and bitterness you are clinging to. 

 

Ask yourself what is it that you want from your life? Is it happiness and peace, or is it revenge and bitterness? And most of you will ultimately realise that it is your own happiness and peace that you want. And resentment is exactly doing the opposite for you. The more you are being resentful, the more bitter and angry you become in life. Resentment eats all your peace and happiness. So why hold on to it?

 

While some resentment is okay and is normal, when it extends beyond years and months and starts eating your inner peace, it becomes toxic to your own wellbeing. 

 

Now we know it is not worthwhile to hold and cling to resentment. And moving on is the best strategy to safeguard our interests. So how to let go of resentment? Here are 5 tips to leverage to move on by dropping your anger and grudge:

 

1. Ask yourself if resentment is adding any value to your life? Is resentment that you are holding affecting the person who wronged you? Is this resentment lead to something meaningful? When you pose these questions to yourself, you realise that it has no value in your life, and it is all in vain. So what is the point of keeping it and making yourself suffer? And when you do so you learn to drop your resentment.
2. Speak to the person who has hurt you and against whom you are resenting. When you directly speak to the person and tell them that they have wronged you and that you need an apology, they are most likely to respond positively. Most of them, by now, would have realised that they have caused you hurt and will apologise. It will ease your pain and let you drop your grudge. And if they do not respond, then also you know that there is no point sticking to resentment as the other person is not even bothered a little bit. So again you learn to drop your grudge.
3. Try to look at it by empathising with the third person who caused you hurt. It is natural to feel the victim of their behaviour, but if you analyse their situation deeply, you will realise that they are themselves the victim of their past trauma and wounded inner child. It will make you understand their pain and mental state of mind and what made them behave so hurtful toward you. And hopefully, it all will ease out your pain, and you start healing too. 
4. Start to forgive people. People who forgive are strong people and healthy individuals. And you should learn to forgive people not for anything else but for yourself. Also, learn how to practice gratitude as it can help you ease out your pain by being thankful for what all you have left in life. 
5. And if nothing works you should seek the help of a professional therapist and speak to them out. These therapists have seen several cases and have helped many people to heal. So they can take a third-person perspective and advise you on your situation and enable you to let your resentment go without much effort. 

 

I hope you liked this post about resentment and how to let go of resentment. 

How to deal with negative people at work

 We all have negative people around in our lives. And we often encounter them at the workplace, in our social lives and even in our families. These people are often too negative to deal with, but sometimes we do not have a choice to avoid them especially, at the workplace. You can easily deal with negative people in our social lives relatively easily (read also: how to deal with negative people) by simply cutting them off. But it is more challenging to deal with negative people at work as it requires more tact and diplomacy. So how to deal with negative people at work is the question?

 

Dealing with negative co-workers or negative bosses can be really challenging in real life as the workplace requires a lot of tact, diplomacy and professionalism. And there are a few potential ways to deal with toxic people (Read Also: Signs of Toxic People) at work that I use to navigate negativity in the context of work without raising unnecessary eyebrows. So here are a few ways to deal with toxic people at the workplace:

 

Limit your interaction with them

While the most obvious solution of cutting negative people off at the workplace might seem very easy, it is not sometimes possible to cut co-workers as you are working with them on a daily basis. So, a better and more workable alternative is to limit your interaction with negative co-workers and keep your interaction to a bare minimum. For example, if you are working on a project with them, just get your work done and talk only about work. The less you speak to them, the better it will be for your own workplace wellness. 

 

Do not try to change them

Many people try to change negative co-workers by dealing with them, but they forget that some negative people can be so negative and toxic that they can make you feel negative about yourself. Instead of focusing to change them, you focus on avoiding them for your own well-being. If you think your workplace has become too negative to hold, you can lookout for new opportunities like changing your team, project or job. This way you can avoid them and find your own peace and zen. 

 

Be an inspiration to them

Now if you really want to change the negative people around in your office, you can do so by being an inspiration to them. That means if you are a really strong personality, you can turn negative people into positive by being a strong positive influence on them. But if you are a weak-minded person (Read Also: Signs of a Weak-Minded Person), then this strategy can counterfire as you will end up feeling negative and terrible about yourself in presence of negative co-workers. So if you want to be an inspiration for them, be strong enough to lead the change. And one way to do so is to tell the negative people, that if you were in their place how would you have taken a more optimistic and positive approach to a particular problem at hand. And when you start saying it again and again you will start seeing the change in the negative co-worker. And voila here you go. You have made the person a little more positive and hence you do not have to worry about their negativity anymore. 

 

Motivate the negative co-worker to follow their dreams

Another way to deal with negative co-workers is to help them figure out their passion or dream, and help them figure out ways so that they can take steps to pursue those dreams. And when they find what they want they will move on and find a new job or workplace for themselves. And here you are again, you have successfully cleansed the workplace from a negative or toxic person and also helped the negative person in the process. Congratulations, you do not have to deal with them anymore. 

 

Befriend them and have them confide in you

Sometimes you can be friends with the negative co-workers to understand the source of their negativity. Make them feel that you stand for them and with them and that you care for them. Once they have confidence in you, they will share their frustrations in life. And once you understand the root cause of frustration, you can help overcome them or even help them monetarily or with some resources so that they become more positive. And, it is another way of dealing with negative co-workers. 

 

If you want to read a more detailed article and relevant resource on dealing with negative co-workers, you can read it here: How to deal with negative people at work?