Are you gay but married to a woman? How does mixed-orientation marriages work?

 

Are you a gay man and married to a woman? If yes, it is a matter of concern, and you need to think through your situation. However, you are not alone! There are many gay men who are married to a woman. Some by choice and some by circumstances! And you need to figure out your reasons for marrying a woman? 

 

What are the reasons gay men marry women?

There could be many reasons for a gay man to marry a woman. So if you are a gay man married to a woman, what are your reasons? Let's figure it out:

• Denial: Many gay men or bisexual males remain in denial, and as a result, they are not able to accept their sexuality and are not being true to themselves. And hence they end up marrying a woman and spoil it all.
• Guilt and shame: Out society is conditioned to discard, look down, make fun, and guilt traps the members of the LGBTQIA community. Hence many men who are gay or bisexual may feel shy to come out due to the non-acceptance of society. They may feel that their families, friends or society may abandon them. And it happens in real life where many gay men are abandoned by their families and friends. Also, there is a lot of guilt associated with being a member of the LGBT community. 
• Not finding the right man in the gay world: Many gay men marry women as they fail to find the right gay man for themselves. When these gay men fail to secure a committed relationship for themselves in the gay world, they end up concealing their true identities and end up marrying straight women. 
• To have a child: There are many gay men who solely decide to marry women, as they want to have kids and lead a married life. It is especially true for countries where single man adoption or adoption by same-sex couples are not allowed. Hence to avoid such circumstances, many gay men marry a woman.  
• The false hope of changing themselves: Many gay men marry in a false hope that the straight marriage will change their sexual preference and turn them straight. But it doesn't ever happen. 

 

So what are your reasons to marry straight women? You would have found out by now! Regardless of whatever your reasons for marriage are, your challenges are real. And by now, you would have suffered a lot of pain, turmoil and agony. There would have been times, you would be feeling lonely, broken and depressed. Also, there would be times you would be tempted to sleep outside of your marriage with another man. And in all probability, you would be already cheating on your wife by sleeping clandestinely with other men. 

 

Yes, you would be having a lot of guilt in your mind for cheating on your wife. Also, you would be feeling a lot heavy for keeping your wife in dark about your sexuality. And if you are a gay man married to a woman, then your married life is already hurting. Your wife may be unsure as to why she doesn't feel like a woman, why you guys consummate less, why she feels that something is missing in her married life and why she feels unfulfilled. Now, that you have come to terms with your sexuality, you clearly know that you are not happy in your marriage, and you want to move on to marry a man of your choice. And there is nothing wrong with that. You married for whatever reasons, but now you want to move on. 

 

So what to do when you are a gay man and married to a woman?

So if you are a gay man and married to a woman, what should you do? One side of you tells you to break your marriage and explore your sexuality. Another side of you tells you to not hurt your wife and stick to your marriage, especially, when you have children. So what should you do? In my opinion, choosing to move on for the sake of your mental health and the sake of your wife's long term life will be your safest bet. Also, in all probability, your wife has an idea, and she is also hurting and suffering. So is it worth making her suffer and make yourself suffer too? And if you will not listen to your innermost feelings and true sexuality, you will become more frustrated and end up losing your marriage at a later stage. So rather than ending your marriage because of your sexuality at an age of 50, it is better to do it now. 

 

I agree it will be a tough decision to start with, and it will cause a lot of pain and suffering to you and your wife. But it will eventually set you free and your wife free too. So, it is in your best interest to stop leading a false life and stay true to yourself. Speak to your wife and seek her forgiveness. She will set you free. It may not happen now, but things will fall in place with time. 

 

So choose your happiness, lead a life that you always wanted to live and let your wife lead her life in light of the truth. 

 

For more authentic and detailed advice read: Are you a gay man married to a woman? s tips to move on!